Sunday, August 16, 2009
phone dating tips ToddGuru67
There you stand, look at you! Little knots of men standing in the bar, watching the girls drink and dance. You have spotted "the One"and you wish you knew what to do. You do know that if you do not make a move soon, she will either disappear or worse, stroll out of here on the arms of someone more bold. You don’t even know her name yet, but you are already having a jealous break down. What is a poor fellow to do?
First of all, slow down on the drinking. Being approached by a sloshingly drunk man is not at all appealing, no matter how attractive he is ordinarily. Try to ditch your entourage for the moment. Would you want an entire group of your laughing friends to hear you get shot down if this goes poorly? Pop into the bathroom and have a quick peek at yourself. Slick your hair down, but avoid that cheap bathroom cologne. Finally check your break and pop a mint if you need one. Square off your shoulder, suck in your gut and head on out there.
Don’t just stomp over to the target girl and grunt out the first thing that pops into your mind, but steer clear of the tired opening lines. No one is going to fall for the "did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven" line, trust me. Stick with the simple basics, and keep in mind that if you are in a loud bar, meaningful conversation is going to be impossible. Walk up, smile and wait for a smile in return. If she rolls her eyes as soon as you walk up, you have more than likely just been handed the no sale sign, so move on. If you get a smile, then all systems are a go for the next step. Stick out your hand and introduce yourself. Shake her hand gently but firmly. You do not want her to think you are treating her like she will break, but you do not want to hurt her either. Oh, and guys, a hand shake is two gentle shakes, not an opportunity to get some cheap chest jiggling action going. Ask her name, and then use it when speaking to her. Repeating her name shows that you were paying attention and that you are interested in her as a person.
Wait for a lull in the loud music and then take your chance. Lean in, but try not to blatantly peep down her top. Tell her that you noticed her earlier. Be honest and try not to sound too sappy about it. Ask if she would be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee or something with you sometime. If she says yes, then ask her for her phone number, but don't blow your progress by pulling out some ratty, tacky black book from your back pocket. Some people will program every number they get immediately into their cell phone, but that makes no sense to me. What if you never actually go out? Or worse, what if you go out and have a perfect stinkeroo of a time? It's best to save programming that number in after a successful date or two. Ask if she has something to write her number on. If she doesn't grab a napkin and show her how resourceful you can be. No napkins? Stick out your arm and let her write her info there. You get the number, you get a little body contact; just don't get caught looking down her blouse!
ToddGuru67 (c) 2009
Find your Soul Mate
Ah Soul Mate - nearly unattainable goal! What exactly is the "soul mate," and how on earth do you find him? First things first, you must realize that your idea of a soul mate is far different from your sister’s or your best friend's. They will look for the smallest character flaw and pounce like jaguars on a wounded wildebeest. Hey, don't look at me! I did not make the rules on this one, it’s just what happens! Your friends and family want you to be happy so they will weed out the weak ones to make that happen.
You have to know what you want and what you need from your relationship. Then you can decide what defines the word perfect for your. For instance my definition always includes the words: smart, funny, adventurous and kind. You might notice that my perfect mate is not defined in physical terms. My tastes in that have changed over the years, but the really important qualities have never wavered at all. Call me crazy, but I will take a smart and funny insurance agent over a handsome, vapid barely employed actor any day of the week. My definition of perfect does not work for my best friend, nor does hers work for me.
One of the easiest ways to know if someone is your soul mate is to actually spend time with them. Go on a cruise and see how well you relate to each other when you are stuck at sea without a chance of escape. Make sure that you have interests both mutual and individual. You do not want to wake up one morning and find that you have absolutely nothing in common with the person that you declared was your perfect mate. On the other hand, you will want to have interests outside the relationship as well. No one is so perfect that you want to spend every single moment with them after all. Give yourself a chance to miss that person every now and then to keep things fresh between you.
Most importantly: do not pretend to be someone that you are not to "get" this soul mate. They deserve their soul mate as well, and if you are pretending to be someone other than who you are, how will they know if you perfect or not? Don’t pretend to be a sports fan to snare that athlete that you have had your eye on and expect to make a lasting relationship with him. For one thing, if you are really not into sports, you have just kicked things off with a big lie. Not only will that make him question everything else about the relationship, it will make him rethink his own priorities. Do you really envision a life of faking enthusiasm when sports does nothing more than bore and bewilder you? Or are you planning on sitting sporting events for the rest of your lives together, content to go out and do your own thing? That might be an awful lot of time spent apart, is that really what you want for the rest of your life?
Your soul mate can be the last person on earth you would have dreamed of. It could be the living version of your fantasy. Either way, it has to be the person that is perfect for you and you alone. Make sure that it is the perfect mate for the real you, and not someone who is attracted by a manufactured image that you cannot maintain for a lifetime.
ToddGuru67 (c) 2009
10 TOP TIPS in a RELATIONSHIP
The petty fights have escalated. The long, drawn out silences are nearly deafening now. You can be in the same bed for an entire night and never once touch each other. There is trouble in your relationship and you both know it. But how can you save it? What can you try before it is simply too late?
The fact that you are both willing to try anything at all is a good sign in my book, And there are ways to save a relationship, but it takes work.
1. Spend time remembering what drew you together in the first place. Did you fall in love with her quirky sense of humor? Did he drive you wild in his football jersey? What exactly attracted you to one another? Find something from your mutual past and use it to reconnect with your partner. Take her to a comedy and club and watch her let loose. Dig out his old jersey and ask him to wear it. Even if you have to pretend to be these people for a minute or two, go back in time to when your love was new. The feelings are still there, they have just been buried under the stress of life. Let them back out.
2. Touch for the sake of touching. When we are angry, hurt or sad, we tend to withdraw back into ourselves. We stop reaching out to our loved ones and that makes them hurt, angry and sad. Reach out and stroke your wife's hair. Run your fingers along your husband's arm. Allow your hips to gently brush against one another as you pass in the hallway. Just touch each other.
3. Kissing is different from touching. With touching, it can be misconstrued as accidental. There is no way to unintentionally kiss somebody. Women: take your husband's face in your hands, stare him right in the eyes and then kiss him, softly and slowly. You would be surprised how fast passion can melt away anger.
4. Try a change of scenery. Staring at the same four walls when you are angry with someone can make the most beautifully decorated room feel like a jail cell. Go away for the weekend, even if it is only to a local hotel. The change may allow you to relax enough to discuss what is wrong, or maybe it will suddenly seem so insignificant that you forget it completely.
5. Act like you are strangers. Have you ever noticed that we treat perfect strangers with more dignity and respect than we do our loved ones? Our manners in general public can be exquisite while at home we turn into Penny and Paulie Pig, grunting and squealing at our spouses. Doesn't sound fair, does it? Try to be more polite while at home and see if that changes things. Ask sweetly for something and include a "please." Say thank you for tasks completed, no matter how small. Give and receive compliments graciously. Act like you really do like this person.
6. Learn something new as a couple. If you can stop bickering long enough, agree to try a new hobby or sport. Pick up some used golf clubs and go down to the golf course for a few rounds. Hike in the woods, bike on a trail; do something new and possibly exciting and discover a whole new side to your lover.
7. Talk it out. You have pouted for over a week because he did not notice your new hair cut. Unless you hacked off more than six inches of hair, it might be because he did not register such a subtle change as quickly as your female friends did. Then again, maybe he did notice and didn’t really care for it. Maybe the whole point of him not saying anything is because he was afraid he would hurt your feelings. And yet, here you are, with hurt feelings. Tell him about it. He cannot read your mind, so tell him that you cut your hair and that he did not notice. Tell him that you are mad as hell about it. Of course, after he tells you what he really thought about your hair, you might be even madder than that!
8. Write a letter. It might seem strange to write a letter to someone who is sitting across the breakfast table, but if you are not communicating any other way, it might be a safer option. List all the points that you want to make and then write. Don’t worry about how it is worded, you are not going for Wordsworth, after all. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. And always remember: do not ever put into writing today what you do not want to be reminded of tomorrow.
9. Seek counseling. If all else fails, try a couple’s counselor. If you truly want to save your relationship, the impartial wisdom of an outside party might be just the saving grace you need. You vent to your friends, and they all agree that you have married a slovenly pig. He vents to his friends and they all agree with him that he has married a soul crushing shrew. A counselor will not take sides and may be able to steer you onto the right path of self healing.
10. As a last resort consider a trial separation. If all else has failed, agree to spend a weekend apart with no communication of any kind. The time alone will give you time to reflect and renew. Besides, you know the old saying: absence makes the heart grow fonder.
ToddGuru67 (C) 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Find the Right Match for you
How do you find the right match? The answer depends on the definition of the term “right match.” Do you want your right match for a long-term relationship, or for more casual dating? Do you know what you would like for either of those choices, or do your likes and dislikes change nearly daily? Define your terms first, and then you can best set out to find your right match.
If you know you what you want is a long term relationship, your next step is to decide what you want in a partner. It is easier to decide these things if you know what you yourself want and need from life. Make a list of things you must have, things you cannot stand and then another list of things that are possible. Keep in mind that the right chemistry might make you chuck your little list right out the window, but you have not even got to that part of that yet!
If you live in a big, urban community, then finding dates or potential dates should not be that big of an issue. If you live in a small or rural area, or are painfully shy, then you might have more problems. Ask a friend to set you up, giving them details about what you want in the person they might suggest. If that is not an option, or if you just do not trust the tastes of your friends, then consider going to an online dating service. Some of them have taken the fine art of match making to a whole new level. Keep your expectations realistic; do not expect to find the love of your life on the first site, the first date that you go on.
Be honest and open when you fill out your questionnaire with the service. Do not try to oversell yourself, but do not undersell either. You are worthy of love, so do not try to defeat your own efforts. Do not feel that you have to sign a lengthy contract with the first service that you look into. See if there is a trial period, or sign up for the shortest contract you can. Find out about cancellation if you have really good luck, or if your situation changes completely. Keep in mind that dating profiles with pictures get more attention, (both positive and negative), than those without so choose your most flattering shot or consider having new ones taken.
Of course, being on a dating service does not guarantee success, nor should it end all of the other efforts altogether. Love can be right around the corner, it could be where you least expect it. Your right match can be the next person you bump into, or it might be the person you are months from meeting. Best of luck in finding this person!
ToddGuru67
Ramblings on love . . . when love gets tough ToddGuru
Love has made us cry at some points in our lives. For others, it even made them cry everyday of their lives. Each of us has a sad story to tell. And each of us has lessons that need to be learned. For as in every tear you shed, you become stronger. Your heart becomes stronger. Yes, it would be hard having living every day knowing you have lost your love. Yes, your life will never be the same again. The fact still remains: you have to move on. You have to love again, or else your world will not turn. Lost love is probably the most tragic ending for someone who loves with his/her heart. It happens to the best of us. It happens to the rest of us. That is why if you have your love at this moment, you should treasure it. Treasure each conversation, laughter, kiss, everything. You’re lucky to have those.
There are those who loved and had too much of it. Now you wonder, how can too much love be bad? Well, too much of anything is bad. Love is not excluded. Too much love is dangerous to your health. Most people just become crazy and insane when they inhale too much of the love aroma. Sometimes, there’s no turning back. Even though your brain tells you what’s right, you won’t do it. Your heart steers your ship now and just like the Titanic, you’re on your way to your very own iceberg. You’ll know when you see the iceberg, but you’re doing nothing to avoid it. Because that’s the way you want to go. That’s what will make you happy, even though reality has left you behind. Yes, love can lead you to your destruction. Love is tough, but you can be tougher. Still, at the end of the day, you won’t have any regrets at all. It’s because you did it for love. Even with the deepest wounds and pains, you continue to live on. Hoping that someday, someone will save you from your own self-destructive path. Someone who can show you the light. Someone who can actually heal you.
No matter how love has treated us, no matter how love has been tough on us, we still strive each day. You want to know why? Because of LOVE.
Friday, August 14, 2009
trust in dating by Susan Campbell

Trust in Dating:
How to Find True Love by Telling the Truth
By Susan Campbell, Ph.D. (dating and relationship coach)
www.susancampbell.com
Have you ever:
•said yes to someone when you wanted to say no?
•lied to someone in order to protect their feelings?
•wondered how another person feels about you, but didn’t want to ask for fear of appearing insecure, needy, or pushy?
•had your feelings hurt but didn’t admit it?
•felt angry but acted like everything was fine?
•been jealous but acted cool?
•pretended to like someone more than you really did?
•pretended to like someone less than you really did?
•wanted to express appreciation, but held yourself back?
•pretended to be more sexually turned on than you really were?
•had sex with someone in order to avoid conflict or confrontation?
•agreed to go out with someone and then called later to break the date?
•felt nervous or inhibited with someone you’re especially attracted to?
•wished you could be more spontaneous and natural with people you’re just getting to know?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, rest assured that you are not alone. In my relationship workshops, almost everyone answers yes to most of them. Telling the truth is not easy. Yet when you do show up real and spontaneous, you’re more radiant, alive and attractive.
Old Tapes and Buttons
Why can’t we be more relaxed and free? What are we afraid of? What danger do we seek to protect ourselves from? From my experience as a dating coach, I have found that most singles give entirely too much weight or meaning to the outcome of each dating interaction.
We are all ruled to some degree by old tapes and buttons (automatic fear reactions), so it’s not easy to let go of trying to control the outcome and simply be present and responsive to what is going on now, in this moment with this person. We fear rejection, abandonment, being criticized or judged—and any number of other things that we experienced from our early caregivers. To avoid getting triggered, most of us have developed various “control patterns” to help us feel in control even when we are not. An example of a control pattern would be acting like everything is fine when in truth your feelings are hurt…or trying to seem more knowledgeable or confident than you really feel.
Dating as a Journey Toward Consciousness
How does this relate to Truth in Dating? Dating can be a journey toward consciousness and love, toward overcoming our dependence on our control patterns to help us feel safe. Or dating can be a series of strategies to help us maintain a false sense of security and control. To put this another way, dating can enhance our self-awareness and self-trust in facing unknown outcomes; or it can keep us on a never-ending search for the perfect partner (as a distraction from simply feeling our vulnerability to things we cannot control.) Dating can expand our capacity for love and acceptance of what is, or reinforce our fears that we are not okay if things don’t turn out according to plan.
The idea behind Truth in Dating is we don’t need to wait until we get into a committed relationship to use our relationship life as a vehicle for becoming more confident and skillful at relating. We can start right where we are. We can use our dating experiences for practice!
At present, most people still seem to favor dating as a strategy for staying safe over dating as a way to become a better person. But I think the tide is turning. Many people I talked with said they realize that trying to find someone who doesn’t push their buttons isn’t working. This is a good sign—a sign that people in general may be getting less addicted to playing it safe and staying in control. It is my hope that if we can admit that we all have automatic patterned reactions based on our unfinished business from the past, then we can enter the dating arena with the aim of becoming more conscious of when our buttons are being pushed. We can let go of trying to pretend to be cool or hot or whatever we think is expected of us. We can stop pretending and start being more honest and real. What a relief this might be—if we would stop strategizing to create the desired impression. Maybe then we could relax enough to be present and awake to our experience of the moment.
I have been helping singles and couples show up real for many years, and I know that honesty does not come easily for most people. For most of us honesty feels risky. So to “get real,” that is, to relax into just being present to whatever we are thinking or feeling, will require setting your intent to make honesty a “practice.” A practice is something that you take on intentionally in order to expand your awareness, to enhance your capacity to experience life to the fullest, to express your maximum potential.
Truth in Dating is Good Practice for Marriage
Not everyone wants to get into a marriage or long-term partnership. But if you do, you probably know that a marriage-type commitment cannot thrive without honesty. Your level of honesty and mutual trust will determine your level of intimacy and fulfillment. Yet, as we know, most marriages are not based on complete honesty. The main reason for this is that married people do not have the requisite honesty skills any more than single people do. That’s why I think we need to start practicing being honest with our dating partners.
The more truthful we are on the dating journey, the better we will be prepared for a long-term relationship. My book, Getting Real:10 Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life, offers 10 vital communication practices that you can try with dating partners. The book teaches how to be skillfully honest in a way that makes telling the truth safer and even exciting
Truth in Dating Adds Meaning and Purpose
Truth in Dating is a way to be more juicy and attractive and a way to become a better communicator (and therefor a better partner). Practicing Truth in Dating with a new friend can give your dating activities a purpose beyond finding a mate—that purpose being finding love, the kind of love that resides in your own being. This love is something that you can enjoy whether you are partnered or single. It’s something that no one can ever take away from you. So when I talk about “finding true love,” I mean finding others to love and be loved by and the higher purpose of re-discovering your essential nature, which I believe is love.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Susan Campbell, Ph.D. does phone and in-person relationship coaching for singles and couples. In addition to her 9 books on love, sex, and communication, she has produced several card games to help people get to know one another while developing their communication and intimacy skills. You can learn more about her books, games, video and audio programs at www.susancampbell.com, by emailing her at drsusan@susancampbell.com or by calling (707) 829-3646.
To read more from Susan Campbell, get her best-selling books, GETTING REAL, TRUTH IN DATING, and SAYING WHAT'S REAL, all available at amazon.com
Misuse of I LOVE YOU
I know Valentines has already passed months ago. But I bet you’d agree that our hearts beat every single second of the day. What I’m trying to say is that love is a timeless subject. With all these fuss about love, you might say love is kind of overrated these days however love is kind of misunderstood by many as well.
Not everyone understands the real meaning of love. Teens of today would carelessly utter these three words even with chewing gum in their mouth. Only a small percentage of people I know mean it when they say it and continue saying it throughout the years.
I guess my point is, people are become less sensitive nowadays. They are becoming insensitive even to their own feelings and to the others as well. I find it difficult to comprehend why more girls seem attracted to the kind of guy who would walk all over them and then dump them without a care in the world, and then find someone new who is exactly the same. Is it just to hear these three words?
What is love? Is it that feeling of butterflies every time you see them smile or hear someone mention their name? Do you describe it with the feelings of happiness and joy that comes with it? Or is it indescribable, like trying to tell someone what water tastes like? Is it when your own heart leaps out of your chest? Why is it that if someone does find love, other people would laugh or tease them about it?
Love is special and should be treasured – not walked all over by heartless morons.
Would you agree if I say that this generation doesn’t appreciate the true meaning of love? Think about family, or any relationships you may have had in your teen years. Did you ever love the person you went out with? Does your family mean anything to you, apart from a house and food? Do you feel anything for your family members?
If you don’t love someone, there is no point going out with them in the first place. Don’t just break someone’s heart just because you feel you are superior to them.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Magic Tuff Love

“When love gets tough”
Love seems unpredictable.
Your lover picture is the only image that crossed your eyes.
When every sound you hear is your lover name. You like the smell of your lover scent.
The only one you feel like being with is with your lover.
Your lover keeps flowing like a river without a source.
Your lover for seems like a rock that cannot be shifted.
You dream of your lover you’re not sleeping.
You like those that like your love those that hate your lover.
Love seems un-understandable.
By Todd Guru